You're my guiding light
Ah. Today was a pretty warm day. In fact it was almost hot.
Today I had to go to my old high school – yeah the one I left a year ago – because my old class teacher called me and asked me if I could encourage my old friends for their final year. In Japan, school year and all starts from April, and today was the opening day of the school. My old friends who I don’t actually remember very well – don’t blame me, I only studied there for one and half month and then I went to India – are going to have entrance examinations for university by the end of the year, and so am I of course, so my old class teacher just wanted to showed them that I’m studying alone and tell them I’ve been trying very hard and all…
It wasn’t that cool anyway. I was little nervous and blushing, made a damn short speech for like five minutes and that’s it. My teacher was happy but I didn’t feel like I was welcomed by my old classmates. I mean they weren’t mean or anything, but they were kind of you know, “who the fuck cares?” I don’t blame that attitude though. They are busy with their business. But there was one guy who almost disgusted me. He came to me and said, “if I knew you were coming, I wouldn’t had come”. So I just said that “what the hell, I spent goddamn 30 minutes on the train and paid 500 yen for the ticket and came here. how could you say that?” then he was like, “you must be thankful that I came”. What an asshole. I wish if I was a guy who knows how to react coolly in such situation,, but I’m just not that cool…Anyway, he was a typical “I’m so cool and all and all” guy and maybe he thought it’s a funny joke, so I just ignored him then.
After that, I had lunch with my teacher at cafeteria of the school, and then went back home. At three, I went to the station again… to meet a girl.
Well I guess I need to explain a little about her. She is a girl I fell in love about two years ago. I’m not going to details of the story out here, but ah harsh reality, she didn’t feel the same way. Then I always tried to avoid her but about a month ago, we kind of became friends again. You know, we kind of talked in emails and all. Anyway then about three weeks ago, I asked her if she would go for a walk or something and talk with me for a while during spring vacation. You know, everything was so fucking terrible and I was having a hard time… I wasn’t being able to figure out reality in my life… so I wanted someone to talk to. She said okay, but she didn’t tell me when. And you know, the vacation got over yesterday and school started today so I thought maybe she didn’t want to talk with me or was too busy to see me. Then I met her in the school today. She told me that she could meet around three today. Since I started a part time job now, I wasn’t desperate to talk with someone anymore, but anyway I thought it would be nice to talk with her, after a long time. So we met at the station and went to some park and talked for about one and half hour… I was afraid that my talk would bore her because I get too serious. I just talked about what it’s like to be at home all the time and stuff. Kind of surprisingly, she seemed to enjoy talking with me. She told me that it would be too heavy if she had to talk about what I talk everyday though. And that’s true. It’s no fun.
Around five, I went back home. I was kind of feeling good, but at the same time sad for some reason. Sometimes when I get back home from somewhere else, I just don’t feel like talking with my family and all. I don’t know why. I know it bores my family but I can’t help it.
I felt as if it’s summer today. Summer loneliness you know. Summer is supposed to be a big fun season here – vacation, swimming, party, festivals, fire works and all. But in summer night sometimes, when it’s so hot that you can’t sleep, and you feel kind of lonely because it seems like everyone else except you is having fun. For some reason I felt that today. Nevermind.
(I wrote this on 7th April)
Today I had to go to my old high school – yeah the one I left a year ago – because my old class teacher called me and asked me if I could encourage my old friends for their final year. In Japan, school year and all starts from April, and today was the opening day of the school. My old friends who I don’t actually remember very well – don’t blame me, I only studied there for one and half month and then I went to India – are going to have entrance examinations for university by the end of the year, and so am I of course, so my old class teacher just wanted to showed them that I’m studying alone and tell them I’ve been trying very hard and all…
It wasn’t that cool anyway. I was little nervous and blushing, made a damn short speech for like five minutes and that’s it. My teacher was happy but I didn’t feel like I was welcomed by my old classmates. I mean they weren’t mean or anything, but they were kind of you know, “who the fuck cares?” I don’t blame that attitude though. They are busy with their business. But there was one guy who almost disgusted me. He came to me and said, “if I knew you were coming, I wouldn’t had come”. So I just said that “what the hell, I spent goddamn 30 minutes on the train and paid 500 yen for the ticket and came here. how could you say that?” then he was like, “you must be thankful that I came”. What an asshole. I wish if I was a guy who knows how to react coolly in such situation,, but I’m just not that cool…Anyway, he was a typical “I’m so cool and all and all” guy and maybe he thought it’s a funny joke, so I just ignored him then.
After that, I had lunch with my teacher at cafeteria of the school, and then went back home. At three, I went to the station again… to meet a girl.
Well I guess I need to explain a little about her. She is a girl I fell in love about two years ago. I’m not going to details of the story out here, but ah harsh reality, she didn’t feel the same way. Then I always tried to avoid her but about a month ago, we kind of became friends again. You know, we kind of talked in emails and all. Anyway then about three weeks ago, I asked her if she would go for a walk or something and talk with me for a while during spring vacation. You know, everything was so fucking terrible and I was having a hard time… I wasn’t being able to figure out reality in my life… so I wanted someone to talk to. She said okay, but she didn’t tell me when. And you know, the vacation got over yesterday and school started today so I thought maybe she didn’t want to talk with me or was too busy to see me. Then I met her in the school today. She told me that she could meet around three today. Since I started a part time job now, I wasn’t desperate to talk with someone anymore, but anyway I thought it would be nice to talk with her, after a long time. So we met at the station and went to some park and talked for about one and half hour… I was afraid that my talk would bore her because I get too serious. I just talked about what it’s like to be at home all the time and stuff. Kind of surprisingly, she seemed to enjoy talking with me. She told me that it would be too heavy if she had to talk about what I talk everyday though. And that’s true. It’s no fun.
Around five, I went back home. I was kind of feeling good, but at the same time sad for some reason. Sometimes when I get back home from somewhere else, I just don’t feel like talking with my family and all. I don’t know why. I know it bores my family but I can’t help it.
I felt as if it’s summer today. Summer loneliness you know. Summer is supposed to be a big fun season here – vacation, swimming, party, festivals, fire works and all. But in summer night sometimes, when it’s so hot that you can’t sleep, and you feel kind of lonely because it seems like everyone else except you is having fun. For some reason I felt that today. Nevermind.
(I wrote this on 7th April)
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