Post 1 : Well I was just 17, you know what I mean

2004, from end of June(birthday) to September

Of course, I should start this post from what my 17th birthday was like.
Well, I must confess, I don't really remember.
I think family celebrated me at home, we had nice dinner and stuff.
but that's not that important.
One thing I really remember about that day, I wrote an email to a girl.
A girl I'd fallen in love in Rishi Valley.
You know, to tell the truth, I've never really talked to her, I've only seen her, and she was I think 3 years younger than me and all that, but for some reason, I can't explain, I'd fallen in love. She was so beautiful (none of my friends agreed with me) that you know I was whoa, like a fool. But anyway while I was in school, she didn't give a damn about me, you know.
Well so there is a long long story which was a total stupidty, worse than typical cheap hindi film drama.
Three months after I left India, on my birthday, I just I thought I would write her. You know, I still couldn't forget her, and I just thought you know, oh cmon its birthday I would like to do what I would like to do sort of stupid thing.
So I wrote to her.
You know I just had to do that.
I wasn’t even expecting for a reply if you want to know the truth.
But you know I still can’t forget this.
On July 2nd, morning around 10 or 11, I was sitting in front of the computer, and got a mail from one of my best friend Bakshi emailed me, he wished me happy birthday and he wrote that the girl I liked was in the computer room, too. Then I knew that she’d probably be reading it, I was wondering what she’d think… Then oh boy, after about 5 minutes I received an email from her. Well it was nothing special, she just wished me happy birthday and wrote few lines but oh boy you can’t imagine how much that email made me happy. Well I wrote her back but never got the reply then. But that one email was enough for me.
Yeah that’s one foolish melodrama. Then July was, what I remember is that my dad’s friend who teaches in Tokyo University had been allowing me to attend his class once a week for a term. So every Monday I used to go to Tokyo. And also, in July I was studying pretty hard, for “university entrance certificate examination” which basically gives drops outs the right to apply for university entrance. And in August I had this examination and passed it.
Yeah, also, for my birthday, I got myself a MTR, multi track recorder, to record some of my songs. I wrote few good songs those days I remember, especially the song called “runaway” (it was only a working title though) was one of the best I’ve ever wrote I thought. Yeah and after the examination my friends use to come home pretty often to play the guitars and stuff.
And yes, from the end of August, I started writing blog, you know. Oooh it was so exciting for me (it still is but not much as before anymore). I thought its totally amazing when someone I will never really know leaves a comment on my blog and all.
September, was, I slowly came to realize I was losing my aim. My aim was aimless aim I suppose; I almost thought I’m something like Neo (in the end of Matrix) or Luke Skywalker (in the return of Jedi) when I came back from India. Don’t get me wrong, I never thought I’m going to save the world from AI or use the right side of the force to destroy sith or anything like that. I just simply believed I’m “getting enlightened”. However, after knowing the result of the examination (I passed), I was like what shall I do? I begun to feel something is wrong, but couldn’t figure out why or what it was. I just thought maybe I need some aim to achieve or something. And also, this time, I had this strange feeling about rishi valley. I mean RV was a very special place for me, gave me a lot of inspiration and all, but I always think being nostalgic is the worst thing (even though I actually get so pretty often), and I was beginning to refuse thinking about RV too much. I thought I need to leave the past, RV, behind. Rishi Valley was one of the most important elements of my identity. My friends were there, a girl I liked was there, I learnt a lot from there and everything. But when I refused to get nostalgic and still follow the pathless path way I completely lost the guiding light. I somehow didn’t know where my thoughts were leading me. Basically I was like Neo without Trinity, or Luke without force. From there, my life slowly started getting screwed.